Chapter Fifteen: Your Child, Your Choice
What exactly do you want for your little one? Please stop and think about it. Can you picture it? Do you believe that the Public School wants the same for him as you do? Is it even possible for the Public School to want the same for him as you do? Do you believe that it is the Public School’s responsibility to educate him? If so, why? If not, what are your options? Will you explore them? Isn’t it funny that we will put a great deal of time and effort into finding the right car or planning a vacation? We study and search to find the best financing for a house. And yet we will send off our little people without even a thought?
If you don’t consider your little one to be your greatness joy and your greatest responsibility, then it doesn’t really matter where you send him to learn his ABC’s. It doesn’t matter where you send him to learn about the world and himself.
If your little one is your greatest joy, and you see him as your greatest responsibility, then you are not going to give him up to any institution without some serious consideration. You won’t just send him off to school at age five because that’s what happens when kids turn five. You won’t send him off because you aren’t willing to sacrifice the time or the money to do something else. You won’t give him over just because you are scared to do it yourself. You won’t be like Cassi and I that just sent our sons off without even questioning if it was the best option. We didn’t even consider that there were other options!
I believe that a mother’s love is the only thing powerful to loosen the Public School’s grip on our little ones and our families. So if anyone has the courage to do what’s right for your little one it will be you. Not a teacher, not a principal, not a counselor, YOU.
There are no titles, no degrees after my name. The Public School system thinks that I am not qualified to teach my own children. Like you, Cassi and I consider the greatest work that we will ever do, to be the raising and educating of our own children. We have come to realize that it is our responsibility to educate them. It is also the greatest joy in the world to do it. Our only regret is that we fell for the idea that a certificate was needed to teach kids. We wish we would never have sent them to the Public School. But we do appreciate being able to see the contrast. Since freeing ourselves from Public School our family is more content, more settled. Our boys are more energized and inspired in all they do, not just studies.
We are “chart children”. We are products of the Public School ourselves. Our natural curiosity was stifled. Our self-esteem was smothered. We were deprived of much that is human in us by being confined and forced into constant needless competition. How could we possibly be qualified to do something important as teaching our sons?
And yet taking responsibility for our own children is exhilarating. We know that even when we make mistakes, we are right there to fix them and adjust. Our sons are not a product. They are not a profession. We have the God-given right and the God-given ability to teach them. And we are! There is no one on the Earth more qualified to teach Jordan and Jacob than their parents. Only now, when our kids are beyond our knowledge in their studies, do we understand that fully. We finally realize that it was never the Public School’s responsibility or right to teach our kids. Accepting our God-given responsibility is turning out to be the richest experience of our lives. With all my heart I want you, as your little one’s mother, to have that experience.
Teachers all over the country are doing all they can to lift and teach kids in a failed system. Even if there are lousy teachers, there are still many that care deeply about what they are doing. Yet they cannot deny what the system is doing. They see it all day every day. Sometimes they will blame families and parents for poor scores and bad behaviors. But the school system holds the children for more time than their families do. So even if their home life is terrible, they still spend less time there than detained by the school. If the teachers are honest with themselves, they will see the system doing the same thing to them and their families that it does to little people.
I have a friend that is an inspired teacher. She is doing the best she can in the system. She doesn’t like me to compare the Public School to a company. And yet her employer runs its organization very much like a corporation. Noble as the teaching of the children is, money is the purpose for doing it. The children are separated into categories. They are labeled for efficient processing. They are confined and compartmentalized. They are a product to the company. To the teacher they are a vocation.
No matter how unqualified my wife and I feel we do not see our sons as a profession. No matter how much my friend loves children, she must see them as a profession, or she will have no motivation to be teaching. Unless she sees the little people as a profession, she will not be able to carry out the policies and programs of her employer.
The formative hours and days in your little one’s life can never be redone. Can you give him over for all those precious hours and days to an organization that sees him as a means to a salary and an insurance plan? However devoted the staff at the school is, they can never approach teaching your little one as you can. They are employees being paid to teach. They teach what they are told to. They teach it when they are told to. They teach it in the manner approved by the system that pays them.
All the talk of education reform is just talk. It cannot truly be reformed. It is too big, too engrained into our society and psyche to be successfully reformed or removed. I don’t think we have the individual, much less the collective political courage to start over. Even if we did, what would we replace it with? Who would do the replacing? Our best hope is to inform as many parents as possible of the impact the Public School has on their little ones. Only the love of a parent, especially, a mother, is powerful enough to overcome the Public School’s claim on her little ones.
What are some of the other reasons you might still want to give your little one up to the Public School? Maybe you have a job. You might even teach school. If you quit, your family’s income will suffer. That is a scary prospect. Only now, after seeing the results of pulling our kids out, do I realize that keeping them free is worth any sacrifice.
At the most tender age, when parents give their kids up to the Public School, the little people don’t care how big their house is or how it is furnished. They don’t think that they are entitled to go to the movies or on vacations. They have no interest in boats and cars. It is us, the big people that need these things. Little people don’t care if they have steak for supper. They don’t even care what supper is as long as it’s not spinach. It’s us, the big people that care most about these things. The formative hours in your little one’s life can never be redone. I hope you can find a way to make the needed changes to be there for your little one as they happen.
You might feel alone in making the choice to keep your little one free of Public Schools. This feeling is real. Your family might be against keeping your little one free. You might be the only one in your neighborhood that will not send off your little one. The Public School saturates every aspect of a neighborhood or community. Its activities, its schedules and its culture affect everything. Churches must check the Public School’s schedule to plan an activity. Family time is decided by the Public School schedule. So you’re right that you might feel alone.
But you will find out that your neighborhood will not come after you with torches and pitchforks. They will be so busy with their Public School lives that they may not even notice that you are teaching your own. You will find many groups and organizations that support mothers that have the courage to take responsibility for their own children. You might be surprised just how many around you homeschool. Finding wonderful helps and resources on the web will be simple. You will be too busy with the rich experience of guiding your little one that there will be little time to feel alone.
Could it still be that you want to send your little one off to the Public School to learn those wonderful social skills?
You can teach your own little one! Can you read? Can you write? Can you do basic math? Then you are more qualified to teach your child than the most devoted Public School teacher is. If you can’t read, if you can’t write or do basic math, you are more qualified than the most devoted Public School teacher is. As your little one’s mother, you are motivated in ways that no other human being is. You live for the welfare and success of your little one. That is the first reason why you are the most qualified person in the world to teach him.
You are willing to move heaven and earth for the benefit of your little one. As his mother, you are already teaching and leading him. There is nothing more natural and free. It is as natural to teach him to write his name as it was to walk. He will learn to add just as naturally as he learned to speak. Because, just as you are naturally gifted to teach him, he is blessed with a natural curiosity and thirst for learning. He wants to know everything. He will continue that way for the rest of his life if you, as his mother will give him the gift of freedom to learn. No matter what your background or income level is, your little one is full of greatness and potential. And you know it.
If you can’t read or write or do math, don’t let that stop you from giving your little one the opportunity to learn with you as his guide. There are so many resources available to help any parent that wants to enjoy their God-given gift to teach their little ones. Cassi and I are not professional educators. We used to believe that you had to be professional to educate children. Even though our sons are learning far beyond what we know, we still are able to provide them with an environment that is safe and positive. There are no sparkling stickers. There are no labels. There is no right or wrong way to learn. They are free to question everything. We used to help them with their studies. Now we help them find where to look for answers and get out of the way! As we compare how well they learn and how well they understand what they learn with our Public School experience, we deeply regret that we didn’t come to our senses when they were in their earliest most formative years.
So follow your mother’s heart. It is the love of a mother that will give you courage to do what’s best for your little one. A mother’s love will question what’s best for her little one no matter what anyone in the world thinks. You have that power, that mother’s love. Let it guide you. If you do, you will not accept the Public School as the only option. If you do, it will be you making the choices for your little one, not some institution. No matter what they are, no matter how tough they seem, your choices, if guided by your powerful love will be the best for your little one. Your life will be more rich and satisfying than you can imagine if you accept your role as nurturer and teacher. I believe in you, because I believe in your God-given powers as a mother.
How wonderful it will be when you look back and see your little one as he grew and lived and learned. What a blessing it will be to know that he didn’t have to wait for a diploma to begin living his wonderful life. Mrs. Peterson didn’t take your place in your little one’s memories. Your little one was no product. He’s your child. It’s your choice.
Chad Fridal 2011
Your Child, Your Choice 
I got an email from you about this site so I came with curiosity to read, I read the first 2 chapters, then cheated and skimmed the last chapter, I really am looking forward to coming back and reading each chapter as time allows. It is refreshing to read and a wonderful resource of encouragement! Thankyou for all the work you put into this to freely share with others!
thank-you for taking the time to read! hopefully some family can be saved. good luck in your own homeschool adventure.
Thank you so much for this. We, too, were caught in the system for a few years; worse, we were caught in a Charter School that promised to be different from Public Schools. It took too long for us to realize the system had permeated the school we had trusted, almost from day one. Gathering the courage to pull them out wasn’t hard for us; they needed what we could give them, not what seven hours of enforced, mind numbing repetition and rhetoric gave them. It was only after they were out that we began to hear from their previous teachers, ones who had chosen to leave and some who were considering homeschooling, about just how bad the promising system had become.
This story is not only inspirational for those of us who escaped, but it’s also a warning for those still in the system and those about to subject their little ones to it. Hopefully you will influence more parents to take the power of education into their own hands so we can have a society of free thinking, motivated, centered, well rounded adults in the future.
I appreciate your comments. Congratulations for having the courage to save your kids! I hope you will share your own experience to help others.
Thanks for sending the link. I have shared this with my home school group. If you are not already familiar with John Taylor Gatto, I would recommend his writings to you or anyone interested in exploring government sponsored education.
One evening I was distraught about what was going on at the school. A friend came by and loaned me on of Mr. Gatto’s books. I have been a fan ever since. You can find some interviews on youtube. May your efforts in your group be blessed!
Thank you so much for mentioning John Taylor Gatto.
I looked him up on YouTube and found myself deeply moved by him.
I ordered two of his books (from his website, hoping that more of the profit would reach him), and I’ve done almost nothing since they arrived but read–and reel every few pages from some fresh revelation or from the strange light he shone on some things I’d already heard. I cannot tear myself away.
It will take me months at least to work through all the reading I see I need to do and to make sense of it all.
I found your blog from The Homeschool Lounge and I am thrilled with what I have read so far. I’ve skipped around and read a chapter here and there and find it well written and accurate.
My kids attended 4 years of private and 1 year of public school before I pulled them out and began the journey of home educating my kids. It’s the best decision ever. While my kids had always been ‘A’ and ‘B’ students, once I was their teacher I was shocked to see how little they actually knew.
Thanks for writing a blog that illuminates so many of the issues that revolve around our decisions to home educate our kids. No one else in this world has our children’s best interest at heart like good ‘ol mom and dad! I have a vested interest in seeing my kids succeed and be happy, successful, productive, generous citizens.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts!
It is wonderful to hear stories of parents enjoying the rich experience of raising and educating their own kids! Thanks for your kind words. I hope what you find here may help even more save their children.
I found the link to your writings on pahomeschoolers.com and am so grateful to you for sharing your experiences and knowledge. They have helped me finally make up my mind that I want to homeschool our five year old son and our three year old son. My husband has started reading your writings here too and feels the same way. I’m very nervous about making this commitment to homeschool, but excited too. I really can’t find a way to thank you enough for so generously sharing your insights.
You will never regret your choice! Your sons are very lucky that you are wise and courageous enough to keep them free. Your note makes the efforts worth it. Thank-you!
I just spent hours reading your book/story. I know most of this from my own experiences. I cried when reading about each of the different children, because I have two out of six children that went all the way through public school. Both of them had labels (one smart & friendly. The other slow & a trouble maker) public school was a nightmare for me as a parent. That was in the 90’s. When I had child #3, I had an overwhelming fear of sending her to school. That is when I found out about homeschooling, in 2000. Since then we have added 3 more children to our family and have been homeschooling for 10 years.
Reading this book has brought back so much and reminds me of all the things I wish I could remember to say to new homeschoolers or those parents that are just thinking about it. From now on I will point them to your blog. You have written everything they need to know. As a matter of fact, I will be asking my adult children (the two that went to PS) to read this blog….they are now having children too and these are the things I want them to know.
Thank you for taking the time and effort to put your experience and encouragement into print. So many will benefit from your words.
What a gift you have given your children and hopefully grandchildren! I appreciate your kind words and the fact that you are willing to share Your Child Your Choice.
I have no doubt that my finding your book was divine intervention! I was an elementary music teacher in the public school for 13 years before becoming a stay-home mom when my second daughter was born. My husband has been mentioning homeschool for quite some time and I always resisted with my inner notions of what that was. My oldest daughter was set to start kindergarten in the public school this week. We went to meet the teacher last week, and though I’d never taught at this school, I had an all too familiar feeling from all my years of teaching. Though the teacher seemed precious, I had a gut feeling that I could’nt ignore. As we left, my daughter said she wanted to homeschool. I wrestled with the idea within myself all weekend. I could see the value of what I was hearing and reading about homeschool, but this was complete opposite to my core. It was a war within myself! I happened upon your book and began reading. I was drawn in by the fact that you were teaching music. You articulated what I had known about the public school but had never put into real thought. It was like part of my brain woke up. I cried thinking of my own experiences growing up, similarities of past students and anticipating what labels might be placed on my own daughter. This was a real breakthrough for me- and I realize that it will take some time to break free from the indoctrination I have received from the public school. I had prayed for direction and I feel it was no accident that I was led to your book. Thank you so much for sharing your insight and awakening those willing to read to these truths! You have made a difference in this family.
You are kind to share your feelings. Besides the damage done to kids and families, so many of our friends and neighbors live in constant conflict working for the System. I hope your courage will help others escape!
This is my first year homeschooling. My husband is a bit hesitant and has gone along with one year as we look for another school. I am guessing that after this first year my daughter will not be going anywhere and my other daughter will home with me also. I was shocked at how little my young one knew and how she was unable to dig up answers and think critically. She has always been so used to having all answers handed to her! We are truly enjoying our time together.
What a gift you are giving your kids! I’m glad you are smarter than we were. I hope you will have the chance to share your experience with others.
Let me just say this, I have always been against homeschooling. I always thought that those who were homeschooled missed out on vital social interaction. Where do they learn social skills that will get them through life? But who can define social skills? In high school, your social skills are based on your popularity. Some of the most “popular” kids don’t even know how to hold a decent conversation. As I read through each chapter I found myself nodding in agreement and opening up to the idea of homeschooling.
Here in Alaska, school is different for me. In a way, it is as if I was being homeschooled. The system is standards based, so students arent expected to move up by grades, but by levels. They can pass as many or as little levels in a year. For some, like me, that’s great. I have already passed all the graduation requirements and am now pursuing other interests. But for many of the students up here, they are years behind what they should be. Is it their fault? no. They do whats expected of them. And there lies the problem with the public school system. It has been pounded into everyone’s brains, the teachers, the administrators, the students, to do what is expected.
So what do we learn in school? We learn how to be good test takers. Because that will obviously benefit us in our future careers. We learn to write what teachers want to hear. I remember once I was scolded for going ahead and doing the work. Do all teachers stop students from excelling? Intentionally, I don’t think so. But when we set certain “bars” that students must reach, we also set limits. When people go past the limits, its considered wrong.
For some, homeschooling is the answer. I know that I would be light years ahead of what I am now if I was homeschooled. But for me, public school has been just perfect. Yes, I have been bullied. And yes, I have been the bully, and I am ashamed of that. I have poured my heart out into an assignment and have had it overlooked and ignored. I have been threatened by teachers, let competition in the classroom change my friendships with others, and I have, on more than one occasion, lowered my work to the bar set for me.But, I have learned. Not just how to test well on the SBA’s, or how to get an A in geometry with completing only half of the assignments (it happened.) I have learned to see the flaws in the school system. I have learned not to regard everything that comes from the textbooks to be true, not to let scores define me. I have learned how to talk to people, how to take initiative. Could I have learned this somewhere else? Most likely. And heaven knows my education has been much different than most enrolled in public schools i.e. having only one other student in my graduating class.
Homeschooling is effective. Recently I have been involved in NanoWriMo with Jacob and he is much different than the average kid his age. He’s more advanced, more self-aware. In my interactions with Jordan, he is more sensitive and thoughtful than others his age. I am sure these are results of being able to learn in a different setting than in the typical classroom, but it also has a lot to do with you and Cassi as parents. And I think that family influences students more than the time they spend at school does. Yes, having my mom work in the classroom for over 13 hours a day can be frustrating for both me and her. But I have never felt like she wasnt there for me or that I was being neglected. And if it came down to it, I know she would choose my well being over those students in her class. But I also understand this is her decision to teach, and I can see the difference she makes in kid’s lives. I dont know what would happen if she wasnt there for some of the students she teaches now. Yes, overall, teachers teach for the paycheck. But for my mom, I know she didnt start teaching because of the salary. And I am proud of her and the diligence she serves her class with.
I guess what I’m trying to say with all this is that I agree that the education system has flaws. Having educators for parents(and I’m pretty sure they are mentioned in some of these chapters (: ) has been eye opening for me. I have seen my mom so frustrated with the way things are set up and the amount of attention each child is given. With 10 students ranging from grades K-5 it’s not easy to teach them all with the individual one-on-one time they need. Things that taught creativity and individuality are forgotten as students are taught to reach the state standards instead. She see’s that and she hates it, but if the standards arent reached she no longer has a job.If good people arent in the public schools, who else is going to care about these kids?
So I have a question. For many, including myself, homeschool is not possible. Both of my parents work all day, almost every day. There are many changes that could be made in the public school system that could make it a better place.. but how do we make those changes?
I apologize for rambling on, I dont even know if any of this makes sense. (: I really enjoyed reading this. It has been refreshing to see something from the “other side” (definitely something they dont teach you to do in school.) And I think you hit in on the head when you titled this, Your Child, Your Choice. It’s up to parents to decide what’s best for their children, and it’s going to differ with each child. Thanks for sharing! (:
-Madison
Madison, thanks for the thoughtful insight. You have a unique and important perspective. Only a few short years ago, other forms of educating kids were actually illegal. It’s clear you will make an inform decision when the time comes for you! Thanks for taking the time to read.